Two Roads | July 18, 2020🏔
Thinking about a challenge to spur the heart and mind and to reconnect.
I often thought the road of grieving and healing are two different roads, and now 1751 days since my son died, I realize that the roads are sometimes one road, some days they are separate, some days the two roads contradict the other. At the end of each day, it is up to me to decide what each had to teach me.
The logical part of my brain says; Death has happened, grief is a process, I don’t spend too much time there. I need to foster healing.
The emotional side of me; Death has happened, feel the grief, feel it to heal it. Name it to claim it.
The emotional side of me says; Crying is a form of strength, I am not weak if I cry.
Now as I venture on with my 1751st day without hearing from my child Quinnton, I know that I am not weak when I cry. I am not rude if I walk away from people who do nothing but demean my spirit.
I am of sound mind and sound heart.
I am a Grieving Mom, I am not a leper.
Grief is not contagious, grief is my newest and hardest teacher.
I have been taught many lessons in my lifetime, but the act of suicide that claimed my child, and then grief that came with the death from suicide is a different dragon.
The dragon defy’s all, but slowly, one day at a time, one moment at a time, I am learning how to be one with the dragon and embrace the newest form of strength. The strength that comes from within.
Today is a new day, I will never bring my child physically with me into tomorrow, what I can do, is because of his memory, I can walk into tomorrow knowing that his death will not be in vain, I will learn valuable lessons from his death by the act of suicide.
I will trust me again, I will travel both roads of healing and grieving, some days they will become one road, some days the two roads will separate, some days they will contradict each other. At the end of each day, it is my road and I must determine what I've learned from each road.