Stay Strong | July 29, 2020 🏔
I wonder some day, we'll actually most days, do you know how much I love you?
When I think of those words it is more than an action, or a a reaction it is away of life.
I know that the way I received love, it was unconditionally. I was beyond blessed and felt my cup runneth over, when a child embraced me and said ”I love you,” knowing that pure love, pure joy and acceptance is something we can learn from a child. So I ”stay strong”
As I sat there, and watched as tears began to fall, that no matter my journey, no matter my experience as I begin to feel my friend grief sneak up on me, as weak as my knees are to hold up my body, I begin to weep, I know I am ”Staying Strong”
As I sit and feel the strength around me, and see what love is, I know I am worthy of every tear shed, and am worthy of comforting expressions, I know I don't have to stand like a juniper, straight up, tall and stoic, I can bend like willow, and hold my breath but for a moment knowing that when I feel weak, when I feel like the world is crashing around me, when I have sleepless nights, it is because my spirit is ”stays strong!” because I am surrounded by compassion.
So when I cry, and continue to feel the deep loss of death, caused by my child’s act of suicide, I know it was the act that drove him to his final breath, but depression, anxiety and sheer loneliness was what drove him down that road. As I weep from my soul, I know I am ”Staying Strong!”
We are taught not to cry openly, or to weep deep into the night, because our tears are infectious, it is not because I am causing the grief it is because of the deep love that is felt. I can be strong for you, and do you know what keeps me strong - knowing that I am but human, and what I feel are real, true as valid.
So for now, I will ”Stay Strong”, I will weep, cry and feel utterly alone, then I see an innocent child look up, smile and I feel the power of strength, because from a child we can learn that unconditional love, we can feel safe, and when I close my eyes, to blink away the tears, I remember that I too was once a child, and it is because I was blessed with experiences that I am growing into who I need to be, and As I weep, for my child, know I am as you asked - I will ”Stay Strong”
Every teardrop, every sentiment, helps me into tomorrow, as I walk into tomorrow, I know it is because of our shared experience I am enough to, ”Stay Strong”!