Edge of Tomorrow | July 20, 2020 🏔

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Edge of Tomorrow | July 20, 2020 🏔

Sitting on the edge of tomorrow, wondering, what is my life’s purpose for?
Do I find comfort in knowing that when tomorrow comes I am filled with... Do this - do that - do, go, run, drive, eat, go, go, go... to be a part of society and fulfilling all the expectancy with out blinking an eye, then at the edge of tomorrow, wondering what it is all for?
My heart has been heavy for family and friends, burying their loved ones, either from natural causes, or by accidents, or by Suicide.
The heart wrenching grief that death brings is a hold like no other. There is so much sadness, it is overwhelming. Grief has been consuming my thoughts, and yes I embrace it. I have too, If I do not validate the pain, if I don’t feel it, I cannot heal it.
I look at my son's picture, I look at the memorial page and think, what the hell brought me to this place of heavy grieving?
I know that sitting at the edge of tomorrow is where he will be.
Birthdays, Sunrise ceremonies, sunset ceremonies, Deaths. The weeks have been a roller coaster ride, and I have white knuckles. As I ease on the handles, and embrace what life has to offer, it doesn’t have to be a white knuckle ride anymore. Embracing the unknown, and knowing that if I trust myself, I trust the journey I am on will have a greater lesson for me.
Sitting on the edge of tomorrow, wondering, what is my life’s purpose for?
I find comfort in knowing that when tomorrow comes I am filled with things to do, places to go, drive here, eat, go, go, go... and I have to be a part of society and I fulfill all the expectancy I set out for myself, without blinking an eye. Then when I arrive at the edge of tomorrow I will know what it is all for.

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