Day 2, Suicide Awareness & Prevention Month | September 02, 2020🎗
257 weeks and 4 day.
4 years and 11 months
It's odd how I look at time now,
With the broken heart as a mother and a 1000 dreams each day ..
I look at Where my son use to sit
Now is occupied by Suicide -
Suicide moved in - it took over - it now is a part of who I am and defines who I use to be.
Suicide is a part of my truth, my story .. it is a big part of my life.
I've been told that People who experience the death of someone they love can become really angry & I should be mindful of my actions.
I may be thinking, "How dare you die Quinnton and leave me! Leave us - How dare you complete an act of suicide - how dare you make a decision to die. How dare you leave us in these circumstances!”
I may be directing my anger at the Quinnton - Why? Because he left, because of what I wish for, what our relationship had been, because of all the unfinished, unorganized business that I ended up with. This anger apparently is a natural reaction that i should not feel guilty about.
I just know that the never ending life cycle is turning .. he became a memory that horrid October day.. I became a different person .. I would lie down in bed at night and ask the universe to take me because the pain of my child dying by suicide is too much to bear.
When i wake in the morning I think great! Heaven don't want me and hell thinks I'm going to take over! I understand that eventually I am going to be reunited with my child ..
I must focus on what my intention , my life plan is .. what is the story that Quinnton wants me to tell .. the script is being written .. his truth is his truth, I am but a messenger. My side of suicide is too much to bear - but it wasn't as tough is Quinntons side.
I love and miss you every day my son ..